Judith Cannon, PhD, LMFT

Healing, Growth, Creativity Enriching

Our Lives, Our Relationships, Our World

You are the One

 

You are the one. Partners may come. Partners may go. But you will, for sure, spend the rest of your life with yourself. Whether you are single or in a relationship, your relationship with yourself is the foundation on which you will build the love and relationship you desire. Let’s discuss the attitudes and tools needed to create the love you want.

 

Start where you are.

Can you love yourself? If you cannot love you, you will not be able to let in the love of another.

Can you look without flinching at all aspects of yourself? If you are not willing to look deeply at yourself, you will not risk letting another see deeply into you.

Can you speak your truth without blame or judgment? If you are unable to say what is going on with you and ask for what you want, you will not have an intimate relationship.

 

Prepare yourself to have the kind of relationship you want.

Value yourself. Know that your value is a given. We are all sacred beings and our value is inherent. Have confidence in your basic goodness. Without confidence in your inherent worth and basic goodness, you will not be able to look deeply and honestly at yourself, and you will not be able to risk revealing yourself fully to others.

Know yourself. Seek to know all of yourself. A committed relationship will reveal your hidden parts. Begin now on the path of knowing and accepting all of you. Be compassionate with yourself. Be amused as you awake to your humanness. Curiosity is a vital tool. Treat yourself with gentleness and respect. If you don’t, no one else will.

Know what you love and what you value in life. Knowing who you are and what is important to you will prepare you for sharing your life with someone else without losing yourself.

Express yourself. Risk revealing yourself in the interest of authentic connection. Only when you present yourself as you are, can you be seen and loved for who you are. If you hide yourself and someone falls in love with your mask, you have two choices—wear the mask and lose yourself or take off the mask and risk losing the relationship.

 

See the beauty and the imperfection. Do you see your inherent worth and your flawed humanness—your beauty and your imperfection? Seeing your beauty and your imperfection prepares you to see the beauty and the imperfection of the other person—neither judging them and nor putting them on a pedestal. This lays the foundation for an equal relationship and equality is required for intimacy.

You are the One