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Judith
Cannon, PhD, LMFT Healing,
Growth, Creativity Enriching Our
Lives, Our Relationships, Our World |
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Creating Passionate and
Enduring Relationships Creating the Cathedral I think of a Cathedral as a place to encounter the Divine. You can go to
a Cathedral as a tourist or as a seeker. If you go as a seeker, you are
likely to prepare yourself to experience the Divine. You set aside your daily
life, you quiet yourself, perhaps you light a candle, you may pray. You open
yourself and focus in the moment. If you are a seeker, you probably have
spiritual practices in your daily life that allow you to be more fully
present to the Divine both everyday and in the Cathedral. Many of these spiritual attitudes and
practices also prepare us to see the Divine in our partner and to experience
relationship as a sacred calling, a spiritual path. Spiritual Attitudes and Practices
Mindfulness involves keeping one’s consciousness alive to the present moment. When washing dishes, wash dishes. I can
wash dishes thinking of my regrets about the past or my fears about the
future, or I can simply be in the moment of warm water and clean dishes. I
can clean my house with an experience of drudgery or I can remember that I am
High Priestess of the sacred place of my home. I can roll my eyes when my
partner speaks because I think I know what is coming. Or, I can see my
partner and listen to my partner as the God-spark that she is. Not practicing mindfulness often results in
a focus on the past or the future. The beautiful moments of NOW are missed.
Connection and intimacy only happen in the NOW. Not practicing mindfulness
also creates space for resentment and anxiety.
Curiosity is openness to learning. Curiosity involves a suspending of judgment and letting go of certainty.
With an attitude of curiosity, we can look without judgment at what is
happening, and at what we are thinking and feeling. We can wonder about what
is happening in an experience or in the mind of another person. When I am
curious, I am truly open to see, hear and experience what or who is present
in the moment. I am open to new information, aware of multiple perspectives,
and ready to be surprised. Not practicing curiosity leaves us caught
in our judgments. When we are judging, we cannot create connection and
intimacy. When we are not practicing curiosity, we are closed to new
information and new awareness and we have a false sense of certainty or even
self-righteousness. Reflection involves conscious learning from what my curious mind observes.
Reflection involves seeking to understand myself ever more deeply and to own
all parts of myself. Reflecting on and narrating my life (by keeping a
journal or talking with someone) brings clarity, wholeness and healing. Not practicing reflection keeps us stuck in
old ways, not understanding how we can create what we desire in ourselves or
in our relationship. Authenticity is about being real. Living authentically involves knowing who I am, what
I love, what my values are, and what my desires are. The more I understand
myself, the more I am able to live authentically, being deeply honest with
others and with myself. Not living authentically leaves us
disconnected from ourselves and from others. We must know, value and express
ourselves in order to experience intimacy. When we are dishonest, we break
trust and connection. Connection, as a spiritual practice, involves living in conscious awareness that all
is one. We are connected with, at one with, others and the Universe. We can
live in an awareness of the oneness. Not practicing connection, not living in
awareness of our oneness, leaves us feeling separated and alone. When we feel
separated and alone, we may shut down, or we may desperately and
ineffectively seek connection. Kindness comes from understanding our connection with others and with the
Universe. We experience and express compassion for others and for ourselves.
Kindness involves bringing love to each person, each situation, that we
encounter. When are compassionate, we allow ourselves to be touched by
others. When we lack compassion, or behave
unkindly, we close our hearts and build walls. We increase our sense of
ourselves as separate from those around us. Gratitude involves being conscious and
expressive of our thankful appreciation for all that comes our way.
Not practicing gratitude leaves space for
negativity, regret and bitterness. For more about Creating Passionate and
Enduring Relationships, read: |
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Creating the Cathedral |
