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Judith
Cannon, PhD, LMFT Healing,
Growth, Creativity Enriching Our
Lives, Our Relationships, Our World |
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Daily Temperature Reading We know communication is
important, but just how do we do it? The Daily Temperature Reading is a
step-by-step guide to getting it right. Practice for a month and soon the
behaviors will become habits. Do them all—even if at first they seem
artificial or corny. These simple but crucial skills can make the difference
between misery and happiness. Appreciations: Share five things you
appreciate about each other. The can range from the simple “I like your
smile” to the sublime “I like it that you were able to kiss and make up after
I forgot to pick you up last night.” Appreciations build up credit in the
love bank. It can be a nice surprise to realize how much our partners notice
and appreciate. New
Information: We
often forget to update our partner about a change in plans or circumstances.
We tell people at work or a family member and think we have told our spouse.
Make the daily updates a ritual. Information like “The dentist said Bobby
won’t need braces after all” or “I’ll have to be in San Francisco an extra
day” is crucial to staying in-synch and feeling connected. Worries,
Concerns, Puzzles: Clear
up big or little mysteries before they become suspicions, jealousy, false
assumptions or resentments. Most “puzzles” have simple explanations. “You
promised to water the tomatoes before you left this morning. What happened?”
“The water was turned off. Was it back on when you got up?” You have to ask. Complaints
with Request for Change: Get in the habit of saying what you want
rather than what you don’t want. Describe a specific behavior that bothers
you and explain how you’d like it done. Instead of “I get furious when you
call and don’t leave a message,” say “Honey, when you call and get the
machine, please don’t say ‘It’s me’ and hang up. Say why you are calling and
when you will call back or be home or whatever it was you were calling to
tell me.” Wishes,
Hopes, and Dreams: Describe
three things you hope for in the long run (“I hope to run a marathon by the
time I’m 40.”) and in the short run (“This weekend I’d like to spend a
half-hour alone with my dad when he’s here.”) A partner who understands your
dreams is able to help them happen. Remember that hopes change as we go along
and it’s important to keep each other current. From: Virginia
Satir and The
Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education |
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Daily Temperature Reading |
